The media, florists, greeting card companies, and department stores tell us that Mother’s Day should be a blessed, joyful, and sentimental day for all moms and their children. But for some, it’s a day filled with pain due to death, estrangement, family dissonance, or distance.
I’ve been on both sides of that pain at times, so I’m always sensitive to the fact that not everyone looks forward to Mother’s Day with warm fuzzies. Some, sadly, dread it or try to ignore it altogether. But we can’t ignore it. The world won’t allow us to. Face it, there are far too many people for who Mother’s Day is painful.
Whether you’re the hurting mom or the hurting child, Mother’s Day doesn’t have to destroy your peace of mind and heart. It might not be possible to be completely pain-free, but it is possible to be at peace. God’s grace is powerful beyond any human action or effort, and it can bring peace if we allow it. Below are some suggestions for coping with the Mother’s Day woes and finding peace.
- Acknowledge the pain. If you try to ignore it, it will fester and makes things worse. Whatever happened, happened. However things are, you might be powerless to change it. You’re in pain, and that’s a fact.
- Surrender your memories, frustrations, fears, emptiness, anger, sadness, agitation – whatever you’re experiencing – to God. Ask Our Lord to carry the other end of this cross. Petition him to take the burden of your thoughts and emotions upon himself. Remember what Jesus told us, “Come to me, all you who are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Mt 11:28-30)
- Pray for your mother or child, as the case may be. Hard as it might be, you must admit that they are a child of God, beloved and cherished by him. Is he happy with the way things are or have been? No. But his love is infinite and he loves both of you with an all-encompassing, abiding love. He will tend to that person and heal you in his own way and time. Ask God to love and care for your mother or child in a way that you cannot. If they are away from the faith, pray for their conversion. If they are estranged from you, pray for reconciliation.
- Call on your heavenly Mother, Mary. She is your true Mother and loves you more than any human mother ever could. Jesus gave her to us as our Mother and gave us to her as her children as he hung dying on the Cross. “Mother, behold your son. Son, behold your Mother,” he told St. John, who stood in the place of all humanity at that moment. Mary’s love is pure, constant, selfless, and transformative. The same is true for the person who is causing you pain. Ask her to “mother” both of you, filling the void in your hearts. Tell your Mother how you feel and what you’re thinking. Share your pain with her and ask her to mend your wounds in her tender, motherly way. She will do so without hesitation. Remember that Mother’s Day is a day to honor all mothers, so be sure to honor your heavenly Mother!
- Do something that gives you joy and remember God’s goodness. Things may not be as you like this Mother’s Day, but you don’t know what lies in store for future ones. I have been greatly surprised at how situations have turned around, and how hearts have been unexpectedly changed and mended. I know others who have had the same experience.
- Keep in mind that there are far too many others who are in similar situations as yours. Let that draw you outside yourself and pray for them – for peace, joy, and hope.
This Mother’s Day, I will be praying for all mothers and children for who it is a day of pain rather than joyful sentiments. I encourage you to do the same.
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